Hi, Friends, I’m Back

As I sit here, watching Jeremy Kyle on catch-up TV, with a mushroom and ale pie cooking in the oven and a cup of tea in my hand, I couldn’t shake the guilty pit that was building up in my stomach. My beloved blog, where have I been? All of my lovely readers, I’ve treat you so badly. Don’t for a second think that this came easily. Every single day I think “Is today the day? Do I have time?” and since Valentine’s Day, the answer has always been no.

Blog Stock Photos Camera and Flowers

I have reasons though, so let me explain.

I’m in the final two months of university. As you can imagine, all of my deadlines and exams have come crashing down. That’s not my issue though – I work so well under pressure and I’m great at what I do. The work isn’t the problem. What I’m struggling with is the lack of passion I have left for the whole degree and any prospect of going into this field of work after graduation makes me feel sick. I hate it. Believe me, it’s incredibly difficult to put your heart into working hard on something when you hate it so much.

Silver lining? I realised what I actually want to do for a living. I’ve always known, but I didn’t believe it would be possible. I want to be a photographer. Always have, always will, and I finally think it’s in my reach. I remember debating whether or not I should study photography at university, but I was met with laughter. Being easily influenced by other’s opinions of me, I gave that dream up. However, last year, I set up my own portrait studio at home and I’ve been steadily and happily growing my clientele ever since. I love every second I spend with a camera in my hand. The problem is that I have a hard decision to make – follow my dreams and make very little money after graduation, placing a lot more pressure on Matthew to get a job that supports us both, or follow my degree’s career path, be incredibly unhappy and make a lot of money. Happiness or money?

During my year in industry at university, I spent my time as a software developer for a company that builds software for the fire service. The work was fine but the environment was soul destroying. I broke. My whole mental health was shaken and I’ve never been the same since. It’s been over a year now and I still fight daily. Honestly, I don’t think I could do that again. This is horrible to admit, and I’m sorry, but I wanted to die. I’ve never felt such pain. I’ve been getting better and I don’t want to go back to that dark place.

If I didn’t experience that, without a doubt, I’d be happy running and dancing and bounding straight into a graduate developer role after university. However, I now know better. On the other hand, if I didn’t have a fiance, a home, two precious fur babies, a wedding on the horizon and if I had a bed to return to at my parent’s home like a lot of single students, following my dream would be a piece of cake.

Yeah, there’s a lot going on in my head right now. I won’t know which path I’ll follow for a few months yet, so I can’t imagine I’m suddenly going to be back like nothing happened, but I’ll try. With me in the process of creating social media channels and a blog for my photography, my entire social media presence is soon to increase. Maybe that will influence me to write more often, too. I hope so!

divider

I’m massively sorry that my reintroduction to this sweet little blog was such an unhappy one, but sometimes the truth needs to be told. Getting something off your chest is always a sure way to make yourself feel a little bit better, and I sure as hell don’t feel that guilty pit in my stomach anymore! Honestly, one blog post later, I do feel a lot more excited to be back (again).

How have you been?

signature

Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads | Pinterest | Bloglovin’

You can read my previous post here.

Matt’s Graduation Day

After 3 years of studying English at The University of Hull, Matt (my gorgeous, clever hubby-to-be, if you didn’t already know) finally graduated at the city hall. I am very, very proud.

It was a really great day, as you can imagine. His mum and grandma joined me as guests, and after the ceremony his brothers and my mum joined us for pictures and celebratory drinks in the town centre! Even the brothers kept saying, there was just an atmosphere throughout the day and you couldn’t help but feel proud. I’m so happy for him.

Hull University English Graduation

When we met about 5 years ago, Matt didn’t have any plans to go to university – he actually wanted to join the navy but, as we grew closer, he decided against that and got stuck right into his studies like his workaholic girlfriend! Now, he’s going on to work at his favourite college in Hull, the place we actually met, for a year of teacher training. He’s proper chuffed.

Divider

After the graduation ceremony in the city hall, which I’ll get onto in a moment, we met up with the rest of the guests and went for some drinks in mine and Matt’s go-to pub. When the parents and grandparents set off home, the rest of us decided to stay out for more celebratory drinks… of course. I was going to say “you only graduate once”, but I guess that’s not always the case! The night ended up being absolutely fantastic. We had drinks on the marina, before going home to change into something less formal, and then head back out to a little, quirky theatre pub that I’d never been to before. Lots and lots and lots of drinks later, I set off home with a very drunk newly graduated fiancé.

Note: This pub is called the Old English Gentleman and if you’re ever in Hull, check it out. Because it’s next door to Hull’s New Theatre, you get a lot of actors popping in for drinks. It’s super.

The ceremony itself was weird, enjoyable, but weird… I wasn’t actually expecting so much formality, and I don’t know why. I’m not at all religious, so the heavy focus on religion and faith was unexpected. I presumed the main focus would be more on the hard work of the students who have made it this far, but instead it felt more like a like a very formal, very old-fashioned wedding. It was an experience, nonetheless. The city hall is beautiful. Awkwardly, the entire area around the city hall is currently under construction so the ‘hat throw’ thing was in the middle of a building site! It didn’t bother us though – we headed straight into Queen’s Gardens, which is a small bit of greenery in the city centre, for some pictures.

We got some lovely photographs together so I’m over the moon. Normally, because I’m the one taking the photographs, I’m never in them! I asked my mum to take some of us on my camera though. I set it on an ‘auto’ mode so she didn’t have to fiddle with the manual settings, and she got some great shots! Thanks, mumma!

Divider

Well done, Matt! We’re all super proud of you. I’m really glad you enjoyed your special day.

Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads | Pinterest | Bloglovin’

You can read my previous post here.

-Morgan

Photographs are my own. © Morgan Mills