Let’s face it, I spend the majority of time with my wonderful, loving fiancé and I’d have it no other way. This awkwardly means, though, that those cute “in” jokes, silly voices and conversations full of total honesty accidentally seep into the real world when I least expect it to.
Like, at work, for instance.
If I’m not with Matthew, I’m probably at work. You’ll find me tapping away on my keyboard in my little corner of the office, with my heater on (yep, even in July), trying to maintain the balance between being professional and being introverted. After taking time off work at the beginning of the year because of personal stuff, it’s taking a hard while to adjust to this whole… being outdoors and being around “strangers” thing again. Sure, they’re my colleagues, but I don’t know them and they don’t know me.
I sometimes forget that I’m not all cushty at home, sat with my best friend and my two kitties. Random thoughts will come to me, and they just come out… If I was with Matthew, this obviously wouldn’t be an issue – he loves my random babbles and I love to babble, we’re a team. Instead, it’ll be something like “I really cannot wait to go home” or “you know what, I can’t actually remember what I did this morning”. Harmless, right? Nah, they’re like poison comments around the office. They exude ungratefulness, a lack of care for the job and a lack of comradery when all I meant was “God, I’m tired, poorly and I want my bed”. Get a grip, Morgan, this is the real world, I hear you moan. Believe me, I’m bloody trying.
I haven’t yet managed to rebuild my filter for the real world and it’s going to get me into trouble.
There are so many perfectly harmless things I sometimes catch myself about to say out loud, and I think, should I? I guess I get along with my work colleagues (for someone who dislikes groups of people, anyway) and, if we didn’t work together, I wouldn’t even hesitate to tell them things of this minute calibre. Yet, because this year is pretty competitive it feels as if everything would be used against me. If I told somebody “this has been the worst year of my life”, it would always come back to bite me in the arse. So, I don’t.
I need to remember that not everybody is my friend, not everyone cares what I have to say. I need to remember that not everyone is as much of an open-book as I am.
How are you today?
You can read my previous post here.