I’m Too Honest

Let’s face it, I spend the majority of time with my wonderful, loving fiancé and I’d have it no other way. This awkwardly means, though, that those cute “in” jokes, silly voices and conversations full of total honesty accidentally seep into the real world when I least expect it to.

Like, at work, for instance.

If I’m not with Matthew, I’m probably at work. You’ll find me tapping away on my keyboard in my little corner of the office, with my heater on (yep, even in July), trying to maintain the balance between being professional and being introverted. After taking time off work at the beginning of the year because of personal stuff, it’s taking a hard while to adjust to this whole… being outdoors and being around “strangers” thing again. Sure, they’re my colleagues, but I don’t know them and they don’t know me.

I sometimes forget that I’m not all cushty at home, sat with my best friend and my two kitties. Random thoughts will come to me, and they just come out… If I was with Matthew, this obviously wouldn’t be an issue – he loves my random babbles and I love to babble, we’re a team. Instead, it’ll be something like “I really cannot wait to go home” or “you know what, I can’t actually remember what I did this morning”. Harmless, right? Nah, they’re like poison comments around the office. They exude ungratefulness, a lack of care for the job and a lack of comradery when all I meant was “God, I’m tired, poorly and I want my bed”. Get a grip, Morgan, this is the real world, I hear you moan. Believe me, I’m bloody trying.

I haven’t yet managed to rebuild my filter for the real world and it’s going to get me into trouble.

Hopes and Dreams

Stock image: Rekita Nicole

There are so many perfectly harmless things I sometimes catch myself about to say out loud, and I think, should I? I guess I get along with my work colleagues (for someone who dislikes groups of people, anyway) and, if we didn’t work together, I wouldn’t even hesitate to tell them things of this minute calibre. Yet, because this year is pretty competitive it feels as if everything would be used against me. If I told somebody “this has been the worst year of my life”, it would always come back to bite me in the arse. So, I don’t.

I need to remember that not everybody is my friend, not everyone cares what I have to say. I need to remember that not everyone is as much of an open-book as I am.

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You can read my previous post here.

-Morgan

17 thoughts on “I’m Too Honest

  1. There’s no harm in being an open book sometimes. I find it hard to censor myself and often just come out with whatever I’m thinking, but usually it never ever comes out the way it sounded in my head, so yes, this gets me into trouble sometimes, it’s gets me some right funny looks, but it’s also given me a reputation for being honest, and to the point, especially when it comes to telling people the things they want to hear but would never ask to be told. It’s a balancing act but the people who matter to me know me, they get me, so bugger everyone else haha!

    Sarah 🙂
    Saloca in Wonderland

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! I completely agree :D. I’d rather have the reputation of being completely honest than people often wonder if I really mean what I say… I say what I feel! Yep, it’s a bit of a trouble maker sometimes but I do like that aspect of my personality :).
      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  2. I feel like this is so relatable. Just because you may be a little shy and quiet it gets misinterpreted for being cold and disinterested when that really isn’t the case at all. I think a huge problem for me is that I don’t really know how to socialise, I know the difference between being rude and being polite but I feel like I don’t know what to say or how to act in some situations and sometimes I get to the point where I’m too scared to speak because what I say could get twisted. There’s nothing wrong with being honest but people are sometimes afraid of the truth x

    Liked by 2 people

    • I completely agree. I’m a very quiet, very solitary person so being around people all day is difficult anyway… then there’s the struggle of constantly making sure you’re polite and pleasing. It’s bloody hard work being social haha, I can’t be doing with it! I’m bound to accidentally slip my own opinions into the mix somewhere :p. xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As you say , sometimes you have to be careful what you say at work. But those lines above are harmless. Your colleagues need to chill out , really. Remember it is just a job and earns your living it is not your life. You might find another job with nicer people anyway, who are more understanding. On the bright side, it can only get better. I remember my worst year at work ( I was hated by every one, because I followed the rules) …. and it did get better. ( They all left and I have nice colleagues again now). Honesty is the best way though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is what I think, too. I believe they’re completely over-reacting, but a lot of them are still pretty childish (around 21, 22 years old acting like 15 year olds) so I’m always out of place around them anyway.
      I only have until September, so I’m gritting my teeth and trying to ever so slightly rebuild my ‘filter’ so I don’t stress myself out with worries and things taken out of context!
      I’m really glad you eventually got out of that job. I was always worried I’d be stuck somewhere that made me so miserable – honestly, this place really has. But, as it’s a placement, I know I only had to manage for a year. Nearly there!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Take it from someone who’s been in this situation a lot…yeah, there are certain social conventions we need to follow… But honesty is not always the best policy. Most people would rather live two lives – their public and their private. It’s a result of living in a culture that has pushed conformity in the past hundred or so years. Anything “different” from the “norm” is considered wrong or strange or dangerous. Screw that, btw, but unfortunately 90% of the world doesn’t agree with me.

    The “real” world needs to change… But since that’s going to take a while, in the meantime, we have to find a way of getting through everyday life… For me, it’s resulted in the decision to be self-employed from now on (and this isn’t necessarily an easy task), so that I can choose my work environment, my colleagues, and my schedule.

    Since that’s not an option for a lot of people, I think developing the filter is important… but not to stop yourself from offending others… Rather to protect yourself from the rude, unthinking comments of most of the “normal” people out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like this comment a lot. I’d personally rather split my life into two – myself, with Matthew and my close family, and the more reserved shy me for the rest, because I don’t want to “waste” (nasty word, kind of, but you know what I mean) my energy on people that I don’t care for and who don’t care for me.
      I can’t wait to build my filter back up. It’s a pain in the backside. I want to save all my fun comments and silly faces for Matthew, not for around the work place with people I don’t know!

      Like

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