Doubts About The Future

I thought I had my career figured out.

Although a Computer Science degree does leave my options pretty wide open in a field that I absolutely love, I was sure that writing code for a living was my future and my passion. I’m sure it still is, somewhere deep down, because when you put me in front of a computer and let me code for fun I’m in my element. There’s a difference, though, between that and between doing it because you have to pay your bills. For me, being forced to do something (whether that’s for a job, coursework, or because you’re faking interest) sucks the passion out of it. This has happened to me before, as I’m sure it has to most people, and I’m sure I’ll get over it, but there has always been other things that I love more… I was too anxious and too practical to believe I’d be able to make a living from them.

It’s always something creative, too. My life-long passion for creativity and my need to do everything to the best of my ability work incredibly well together. It’s like I was born to be creative, in one way or another. I could go on for hours about all the different ideas I’ve had to allow me to be creative for a living, but they never happened so I won’t bore you.

The best example of this would be my photography. I feel naked without my cameras. If I knew I’d succeed, making enough to money to live as happily as we do right now, I would drop everything for my chance. It’s a dream, and it’s one I’m not sure I’ll ever have the guts to follow. I’ve always been obsessed with taking photographs, documenting my memories, meticulously organising and storing them away for almost a decade, but it’s not just about memories now and photography is simply part of me.

Related: How I Organise My Digital Photos

But hey, you gotta pay the bills.

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You can read my previous post here.

-Morgan

17 thoughts on “Doubts About The Future

  1. I understand the idea of not wanting to have all the enjoyment sucked out of something you previously thought you could do well, and for a long time. In my case, it was that I knew for a long time I wanted to work with children, but I was never really sure how… After being a stay at home mom for several years (well, that’s kind of achieving my goal!), I finished my degree, after changing my major from Humanities/the arts to Early Childhood Education. After completing that, I started out in daycare as a substitute, and enjoyed it…depending on the center I was working for. That really made a difference. I found that being in a place that didn’t agree with my philosophy on child-rearing/early education put such a damper on the whole thing. There were times I seriously doubted that I’d made the right choice.

    Then, after a couple of years in daycare/preschool, I had the opportunity to teach dance; I studied dance most of my youth, and really wanted to continue, but injuries would have made going professional difficult, and I knew it, so I just dealt with that. But when I was finally back in the studio, really using my own choreography, guiding students and even directing them in the recital…it was so rewarding.

    If you feel such a strong draw towards photography, go ahead, rethink. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Thanks for letting me ramble. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 4 people

      • Well, the funny thing about passions is that they never go away…regardless of “real world” stuff (like bills to pay). It was well worth it to get my degree in ECE in the end, because I learned many important techniques for working professionally with children, their families, and lesson plans, preparing for the unexpected, etc. Although I’m not using it in an academic classroom, it doesn’t matter.

        There are lots of “non-traditional” ways to earn a living these days, especially among the artistic/creative. For example, I know of one stay at home mom/wife who was really into photography, and started a side business of being a photographer for weddings, baptisms, etc. She does it when she has the time, and feels more fulfilled, while not feeling neglectful of her responsibilities at home.

        My current occupation of SAHM doesn’t pay many bills…though it does save a lot in daycare! Plus it still gives me the chance to teach dance classes on a flexible schedule when the time becomes right for that again.

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  2. Oh, I understand you so well, dear Morgan! I am in the same situation. I adore photography and filming, if I knew i could provide a good quality product, I’d leave everything and deal only with it…it’s my real passion, it is where I am happy and completely myself…but I am not sure I can have money for a piece of bread! Constant fight!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post Morgan. I still haven’t figured out a way to balance passion and creativity with finance, and am at the moment considering a possible job change. Unfortunately my salary isn’t the greatest at the moment and going somewhere where I will be getting more or less the same, or even less is a very scary thought! Never give up on your dreams though, even if you can’t fulfill them exactly the way you wanted its important to get a piece of it.

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  4. Since you know IT and have a passion for photography, you could switch to contract IT work, there is lots to be found. That would give you slack time between gigs to peruse your dreams. Maybe do web sites, graphic design. BTW look up Tracie Louise Photography… She can tell you a lot about the challenges. Her blog has changed names, but Google will lead you to her, and her Red Bubble site to… the world puts shackles on us with debt, get debt free and you find will following your heart will be easier …

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